She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
