There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
