Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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