hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
