my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
