just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
