he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
