Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
