my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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