Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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