Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
