I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
