Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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