I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
