I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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