Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
