Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
