you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
