how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am never drinking with the goths again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
