Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
