bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
