So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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