I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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