Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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