I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
