You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
