just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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