I am in a vortex of obligation.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
