That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
