I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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