WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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