Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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