Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
