Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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