We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
