Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
