They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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