my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
