The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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