there were more penises there than on chat roulette
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize