Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
