I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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