So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
