I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
