Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
