I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
