Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
