My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
