i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize