i will never coherently bang her
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
