So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
home. puking in laundry basket.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
