you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
