totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You took a bar mat shot.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
