It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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