My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
