Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
