the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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