I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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