i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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