dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
