This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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