Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
