why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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