i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
