Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize