I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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