Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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