I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize