My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
