We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
