Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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