I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
