he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
