I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize