I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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